bitchplease

I want all of them to get married to each other.

(via thankfulfive)

What do my 5 most recent Google searches say about me?:

1. First communion Catholicism
2. Mimosas
3. Young Mickey Rourke
4. George W. Bush
5. What kind of battery does my car need?

…I’m sorry, what?

“Eat a corn on the cob, but make it sexy!” 

(via masnpitzl-defunct-deactivated20)

Turns out my car battery is non-functional because it’s twelve years old.

(This also explains its mood swings, and the Victoria’s Secret catalogues I found tucked beneath the engine block.)

So this girl I know was in a musical recently where they used a costume that had been built for me when I did “Blithe Spirit.” It is one of the most comfortable and beautiful dresses I have ever worn.

I tried to ask her if she enjoyed wearing it as much as I did, and her response was “Well, you know, it was okay. They had to take it in a lot at the waist, though, and even then it was too big.”

I do not enjoy The Walking Dead.

If a dude wrote me a love letter and it was really sappy, I would probably be weirded out and/or suspicious.

[Early] Matchbox 20 is awesome.

I want to have sex with Robert Smith’s voice.

I don’t understand how distance can be measured unless you’re traveling across something. Miles to/from somewhere, I get, because there’s land and shit. But how do people really measure the distance from the earth to the moon? How do you know when a mile is up? For some reason my brain cannot handle this science.

One time, I cried because my sister fucked up my toast-making procedure. (This was maybe two months ago.)

(via neutralmilkhospice)

I’m going to start a blog of beauty tips for girls who are seriously depressed, with tutorials for like Netflix themed nail art and how to do your makeup so well that nobody will care that you haven’t changed out of your pajamas in thirteen days.

I’ma call it Sadsack Sally’s Beauty Rally.

(Idea copyright Hannah, 2012.)

amusedeasily113:

I don’t care what people say. Christmastime is here. (Classic)

(Source: capsat)

(via stupidfuckingquestions)

How the hell were Kim Basinger and Alec Baldwin ever a thing? Holy fuck she’s awful.

Watched my first episode of SNL today. I expected it to be shit, but I actually laughed so hard I cried.

Well played, Amy Poehler. Well played.

(via hipsterrock)